Marcella thank you for posting this. I don’t relate to the kind of thinking that you describe but I do have a different fixation which is comparing my cancer and suffering to others. I play this mind game trying to measure ‘what’s worse...’ Needless to say it’s not productive. So for me the takeaway here is to know we’re not alone in engaging in thought experiments around cancer that are not helpful to our well being. Noticing is the first step towards changing. I hope you don’t mind me taking up space here to observe this tendency in myself and vow to avoid the unproductive thought experiment in favor of tending to the hurt part of myself that wants to pursue that line of thinking
Liz, I think this is such a helpful comment and drawing the common thread between my unhelpful “fortune telling” and your game of “what’s worse?” Is valuable. Please never apologize for your contribution to this community. The comments are where the community comes alive. We need various voices, perspectives and experiences.
While I never expected to get breast cancer, I’ve had health anxiety for as long as I can remember. Random aches and pains etc would make me think the worst. So to then be diagnosed with cancer felt like I already had been bracing for it.
Omg Marcella, that is so weird, borderline creepily similar to me again. I have been convinced/terrified this would happen to me (which was one of the reasons I sought a job in this area). I was just so sure I’d have to worry about it one day because my aunt had it when I was 10 years old. But since she wasn’t a first degree relative, all of my doctors actually said i had nothing to worry about and told me not to consider early screening. But still, I always wonder if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy...
Yet another post I ALMOST didn’t publish because I though people would think I am crazy... thank you for making sure I never feel alone on this crazy journey Sadia! I really wish we could know whether this is just statistically probable or if it’s really something.
Marcella thank you for posting this. I don’t relate to the kind of thinking that you describe but I do have a different fixation which is comparing my cancer and suffering to others. I play this mind game trying to measure ‘what’s worse...’ Needless to say it’s not productive. So for me the takeaway here is to know we’re not alone in engaging in thought experiments around cancer that are not helpful to our well being. Noticing is the first step towards changing. I hope you don’t mind me taking up space here to observe this tendency in myself and vow to avoid the unproductive thought experiment in favor of tending to the hurt part of myself that wants to pursue that line of thinking
Liz, I think this is such a helpful comment and drawing the common thread between my unhelpful “fortune telling” and your game of “what’s worse?” Is valuable. Please never apologize for your contribution to this community. The comments are where the community comes alive. We need various voices, perspectives and experiences.
While I never expected to get breast cancer, I’ve had health anxiety for as long as I can remember. Random aches and pains etc would make me think the worst. So to then be diagnosed with cancer felt like I already had been bracing for it.
Omg Marcella, that is so weird, borderline creepily similar to me again. I have been convinced/terrified this would happen to me (which was one of the reasons I sought a job in this area). I was just so sure I’d have to worry about it one day because my aunt had it when I was 10 years old. But since she wasn’t a first degree relative, all of my doctors actually said i had nothing to worry about and told me not to consider early screening. But still, I always wonder if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy...
Yet another post I ALMOST didn’t publish because I though people would think I am crazy... thank you for making sure I never feel alone on this crazy journey Sadia! I really wish we could know whether this is just statistically probable or if it’s really something.