But my life was perfect...
Other than this cancer thing
A few months ago a lovely young mother, much like many of us, reached out to me because she had just been diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. She was navigating those horrific early weeks of terror and overwhelm. Her mother was on speakerphone as she told me her story, which sounded all too familiar. A few months postpartum, no family history of breast cancer, otherwise healthy woman in her mid-30’s.
Along with exercise, nutrition suggestions, microblading and coldcap troubleshooting, I recommended she also consider speaking with a therapist and a psychiatrist because the next year was going to be really, really hard. Still, there were so many tools at her disposal to help her navigate the emotional trauma.
I explained that it’s helpful to have a team of people taking care of your emotional and physical health. I added that personally, I started weekly psychotherapy and a low-dose SNRI to help with my anxiety and also took Xanax as needed to help me sleep.
Her mother chimed in, for the first time - “Oh I don’t think anything like medication will be necessary! Her life is great other than this. She had a perfect upbringing; nothing bad ever happened other than this.” In other words, medication is only for people who have had difficult lives.
My heart broke for her mother - she couldn’t fathom that her daughter’s life was changed forever. As we know, cancer changes you because it is traumatic. Trauma changes every layer of our being- and I have found it has changed me in many ways for the better. In other ways, for the worse.
“I had an idyllic upbringing, too,” I explained. “But that does not preclude me from needing help navigating trauma.”
Do people get through cancer without therapy, or taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication? Of course- a majority do. Does that make them stronger or braver for it? Absolutely not. You don’t need to suffer sleepless nights or debilitating anxiety because somewhere along the line, someone told you that utilizing tools made for moments like this was a sign of weakness or brokenness.
At this point, I have spoken to thousands of women who have a history of cancer diagnosis. If it seems appropriate, I share that I started therapy and medication right away to help me get through treatment. The overwhelming response? Eventually, they got there, but they wished they had been encouraged to pay attention to their mental health sooner.
Yours truly,
Marcella